Covid and cancer. Two very different things but it’s weird how they both take me back to how I was feeling 6 years ago.
Going through something like cancer really helps when a global pandemic comes along because your forced to do what you’ve already done and that’s isolate. Isolate from the world just like you did when going through chemo, living in your own little bubble, staying away from people, only going out when necessary, wearing a mask, sanitising everything constantly. Everything they are recommending now. I’ve seen people on social media moan about how they just don’t think they are going to be able to stay at home for weeks and I get it, it’s boring as hell but I and many cancer patients did this for months and months even years. My advice: take it day by day and don’t get too overwhelmed. Stay positive and focused. Attitude plays a massive part. Focus on food, sleep, exercise, get outdoors when you can, it’ll make such a difference.
I should have got used to coping with covid by now, it’s been around for a good while but to be honest I still can’t get my head around it and don’t think I will. It’s not something I thought I would see in my lifetime. It’s like you’re in a bubble with no way of getting out, well that’s how I feel about it right now living in the uk.
It’s hard knowing after going through all the years of chemo, and a stem cell transplant that something like a virus could kill me, but it’s not JUST a virus. It’s not easy trying to get over that thought. I mean it’s not like I think about it daily but there’s always reminders. I’ve now got used to not sleeping at night because of fear and anxiety and waking up in the middle of the night emotionally drained. Sometimes there are nights like that and I have accepted that but others I can sleep right through and get a good 10 hours.
As I’m so far out of treatment now I’m only classed as clinically vulnerable and not extremely which was a little upsetting when I first found out from my consultant. I mean its not like I want to be classed as extremely vulnerable but knowing I wouldn’t be able shield from last March was really scary, even after taking all the precautions I can. Right now, I am on furlough as the company I work for is classed as non-essesntial and thankfully gave me a choice but I know others aren’t so fortunate and I feel so grateful that I can now shield at home for the foreseeable.
I didn’t think when I was lying in my hospital bed 6 years ago that now I would be fearing for my health once again. Fearing if I did catch covid would my body be able to handle it. I don’t want to think that I wouldn’t be able to handle covid but I know my body and my health has taken a battering over the past few years although saying that I am SO grateful for my health as I know there are others going through a lot worse.
It’s not easy living as a cancer survivor during a global pandemic, the feelings that it brings back and the memories that I would like to forget about and the late nights not being able to sleep but I am coping as well as I can. I know a lot of people are finding this lockdown harder than the others mental health wise and I can totally relate but this won’t last forever even if right now it feels like it will.
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